Disenfranchised grief, a term coined by Dr. Ken Doka in 1989, is the situation when a person experiences loss but their loss is not acknowledged in a conventional way. This can occur due to a number of reasons.
In the case of death, the connection with the deceased may have altered due to divorce, separation or break-up; the relationship with the deceased may have been non-traditional or not legally recognized. The death may be a result of miscarriage or stillbirth.
A feeling that one is unable to openly acknowledge or express grief can add to the pain. If grief is not addressed, this may cause an extended period of grieving, anxiety and distress.
For individuals who have lost a former partner or spouse, the loss may re-open the wound that occurred due to the initial loss of the relationship; this can enable trauma to resurface. Loss may also stir memories of happier times before the break-up; any unresolved issues may now seem forever unresolvable. In the case of miscarriage or stillbirth, the close proximity of happiness regarding the pregnancy can be heartbreaking.
Loss of Pet or Animal Companion
Relationships with animals can be as important and meaningful as those with humans. For individuals whose relationship with their pet or animal companion is one they consider as strong or significant as relationships they may have with other humans, the loss of the pet can be devastating.
It can be confusing to outsiders who have not experienced such a strong bond. To others, the person's grief over the loss of the animal may appear disproportionate or excessive. Unintentional hurts can occur if others diminish the importance of the pet's loss.
Methods for Coping with Grief
In any situation involving a loss, it is important for the individual to acknowledge that their grief is legitimate. It can be helpful for some to understand the stages of grief and how to address each stage. Although, according to Thomas Attig, author of How We Grieve, grief is a more individualized process which requires learning to resolve the loss and accepting the change that the loss brings.
The most immediate dilemma will be how to deal with saying "good-bye". Attending the funeral or dealing with formalities can be fraught with unexpected problems. If the deceased had remarried or taken on a new relationship, confrontations may compound the grief. Compromise or exclusion will likely add stress when facing difficult decisions. However the importance of ritual, of going through these processes, is important.
Grief counseling, a form of psychotherapy or talk therapy, is a recognized service especially useful for those who have experienced loss and feel unable to move forward with their grief. Honoring the relationship either by attending the funeral, or if that is not possible, holding a private memorial service, can be a healing start to accepting the loss and the change it brings.
Conventional etiquette and legal rights will take precedence. However, with over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the likelihood of people experiencing loss of a former spouse or partner will increase. The increase in blended families and non-traditional relationships will mean challenges to existing attitudes toward grief. As a result, the future could bring a change in the services that are made available to the grieving.
Sources:
Attig, Thomas (1996) How we Grieve: Relearning the World. Oxford University Press
Doka, Kenneth, ed. (2002) Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice. Research Press
Wendy Foster-DeGroot - Wendy has a BA(Hons) in Art History. She works in academic research administration in Canada. While living in Newfoundland in the 1980s, ...
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